I love Google Maps, and we all know what it was creating for: stalking people! And if there’s anyone better at stalking someone or something, it’s me. Sure, I could say it’s to “find the local deli” or “grandmother’s house” or a “local gay bar.” But you can bet your bottom dollar you’ll find me searching my ex-boyfriends house at three in the morning to see if it’s fallen into disrepair. After a quick search, I can confirm his homosexual tendencies and later rob him of his Samsung TV.
But it isn’t just for being a weird freak. I like to scope people out, see how big my boss’s backyard pool is, or perhaps catch an unattractive picture of my neighbor. And I’m not shy about it or anything. Sample office conversation:
ME: “Oh, so you’re new!”
NEW GIRL: “Yeah, I moved here from Boston.”
ME: “Boston’s a nice place. Soooo…heh heh….where do you live?”
The same applies to Facebook stalking. I love meeting new friends, looking at their photos, and adding them as a bookmark on my page. But don’t worry! Keep your profile private if you don’t want me lurking. I can always have the hot guy across the road unlock the code and hack onto your account.
But seriously. It's healthy to know what's going on in other people's lives. Just comment and leave your name, number, and trace your house key on a sheet of paper. That way we can keep in touch! :)
Love,
Jennie
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